Finland vs. Norway

No, this isn’t an Olympics-focused blog post, though Lord knows I watched enough Milano Cortina coverage to produce one (it might be a hot take, but Klæbo sweeping the cross-country skiing was every bit as impressive as Phelps dominating Beijing in 2008).

Instead, I’ve decided to subject my readers to what will likely end up being an obnoxious amount of honeymoon-related content. I’m sure I’ll be writing Nordic-related blog posts well into the summer, given: a.) our absurdly aggressive blog schedule, and b.) my complete lack of anything else interesting to write or talk about (work-related or otherwise). So anyway, let’s just consider this installment 1 of ? in Joe’s honeymoon series. Hopefully you all like lutefisk!

So, you’re considering a Nordic vacation, and you’ve narrowed it down to Norway or Finland but just can’t decide? Well, congratulations—you’ve come to the right place. If that isn’t you, you can quit reading now. I’m sure there’s some fascinating content on search engine optimization or how to brandish your rebranded brand after a misbranding mishap, or some such PR gobbledygook a few posts down.

Alright, now that we’ve cleared that up—onward.

Cost

Let’s start here. I said numerous times during the planning and booking phase preceding the actual honeymoon that I was really glad we landed on a Norway/Finland trip—not because these destinations were at the very top of my draft board for a European vacation (they were), but because they’re such eye-wateringly expensive places to visit. So much so that a honeymoon is probably the only scenario I can imagine where I’d actually be willing to rubber-stamp parting with so much money in so little time.

I won’t get into specifics, but an irresponsible amount was spent. Could we have done it for less? Sure. But who wants to travel like that? (I know the answer is “a lot of people,” but I’m far too genteel for some sort of hostel-based, hobo-esque sojourn.)

To be clear, both countries were pricey, but Norway was particularly devastating. It probably didn’t help that it was our first stop (that first $50 bowl of salmon soup was definitely a jolt), or that everything just feels expensive when you’re paying in kroner (“Oh, you’d like to take this 90-second gondola ride to the top of the mountain? Sure, that’ll be TWELVE HUNDRED kroner.”), but even still, it was objectively outrageous at times. That gondola ride was still like 120 bucks—I definitely never felt that ripped off by anything in Finland.

Winner: Finland

Food

If you’re doing it right, food should be like half of the experience any time you travel. I mean, what are you really doing on vacation besides killing time between awesome meals? And I’m all for it. Give me all the treats and local delicacies. All the discipline I exercise in my boring daily life goes right out the window as soon as I’m anywhere that isn’t my house.

And I’m happy to report that we ate well throughout our trip. Nordic cuisine kind of gets a bad rap, but I legitimately dug it. With all that said, there’s no way this category isn’t a landslide win for Finland. The deck was stacked in its favor though—two of our three dinners in Helsinki were at Michelin-starred/recognized restaurants, and I don’t even know how to begin to describe those meals. Our dinner at Palace especially will remain a core memory until the day I die. And when you think about it that way, it was totally worth the cost.

Quick detour: If you ever have a chance to dine at a Michelin-star restaurant, don’t think about it—just do it. Divorce your brain from the exorbitant, looming expense when you’re making the reservation. “I’m going to spend how much? On f---ing dinner?!” You’ll think that, and that’s normal. But then you’ll be halfway through your 4+ hour meal when you realize the evening you’ve been having has been so far beyond just dinner—you’re having a full-blown experience. Eventually, your bill will come and you will not care. In fact, you’ll be glad you spent your hard-earned money on this and already making plans to do it again at some other mind-blowing restaurant in some other country somewhere down the line. You’ll leave considerably poorer, but you’ll leave happy because you’ve discovered there actually is an adult equivalent to Disney World, and it’s the Michelin-star restaurant. And I’m saying all of this as an established tightwad who comes from a long line of tightwads.

But, even if you take those two meals away, I still think Finland probably takes the category. Better coffee, better pastries, better street food, more variety. Even in our tiny little ski-bum town in Finnish Lapland, we found some seriously delicious food. For example, Mettäbaari—a literal shack in the woods—served me maybe the best pancake I’ve ever had.

Meanwhile, some of Norway’s highlights were the reindeer sausage with fried onions and lingonberry jam (pictured), along with the world’s northernmost McDonald’s (had to do it)… so yeah… clear win for Finland.

Winner: Finland

People

Scandinavian/Nordic culture has always been a huge draw for me. You’re telling me there’s an entire corner of the world that loves cross-country skiing, keeping to themselves, and they all have saunas?? On paper, that is my paradise. If only I could get there and not interact with everyone altogether—what bliss that would be.

Both countries delivered on this, and I’m sad to report that I didn’t love it as much as I thought I would. To be clear, I definitely didn’t hate it, and I would love a little more of that Nordic disposition over here. A great place to start would be Trader Joe’s (a huge “thank you” to my lovely wife for skillfully shouldering roughly 98% of the chitchat burden at the checkout every week).

And it wasn’t their general aloofness that bothered me—had that been the extent of it, I’m sure I would have come back with nothing but wonderful things to say. Aloof is exactly what I wanted—it just came with a few too many instances of what felt like some deliberate discourtesy.

They were all minor slights, but they piled up. Every sidewalk was just a never-ending game of chicken with the pedestrians going the other way. Walking down the street, getting off a train or plane—you are a ghost—and a Norwegian will look—and walk—right through you. There were other examples, but as usual, this blog is already too long. The point is, have we all not come to some universal, tacit agreement on basic etiquette here? Apparently not.

I know my saying these affronts happened often enough to successfully light my extremely short, overly combustible fuse carries absolutely no weight. But the fact that Carly—possibly the most even-keeled, well-adjusted person I’ve ever known—was quickly conditioned to approach our walks on the streets of Bergen like a combative endeavor—like a little terrier just looking for a fight—should bring some serious credence to my grievances.

The Bergensere were far and away the worst offenders here. And more broadly, I’d say the Norwegians took themselves a little too seriously, whereas the Finns seemed a little nicer/more fun. Or at least funnier.

Winner: Finland

Landscape

Norway needs a win—I’m making it sound bad, and it wasn’t. I loved it, and I already really want to go back and do it again. And if there’s a category where they were the runaway winner, it’s definitely scenery/landscape.

Bergen might be utopia as far as I’m concerned. It’s somehow on the water, in the mountains, quiet yet bustling, beautifully old and historic but somehow still modern, all at once. Norway’s gateway to the fjords was perfect as far as I’m concerned. I’m going to have to go back when there’s more than six hours of sunlight a day, because there’s definitely a lot more that I need to see and take in.

Tromsø was equally arresting. There is a ruggedness and severity to the backdrop there that’s unlike anything I’ve ever seen. I’ve never felt further from home or more removed from normal life—and that was a cool feeling to live in for a few days.

To be clear, Finland was no slouch. Finnish Lapland was exactly what I wanted it to be, made even better by the fact that we landed in a true blizzard—if you’ve seen Rocky IV, it basically looked like that—and I think Helsinki is underrated in this regard as well. Even still, Norway may never be topped in this category.

Winner: Norway

That’s it for now. It was an amazing trip, and I could easily babble on for a few thousand more words. You likely stopped reading a while ago, though. No matter—there’s likely more to come on this topic in roughly two months, when it’s once again my turn and I still have nothing new to talk about.

In the meantime, if you really are here because you’re trying to choose between Norway and Finland, here’s my very unhelpful advice: save for a while longer, take more time than you were planning, and just do both. It’ll be worth it.