Don’t worry about being worried
Worrying sucks. Worrying about tomorrow sucks even more.
Professionally, I think I can often get it twisted that worrying about a project is just me caring about my work. Don’t get me wrong. Doing great work is important and is something we strive to do. However, worrying and caring are split by some key distinctions. Caring plans, prepares and communicates. Worrying loops. One moves us forward and the other freezes us in place.
There are a lot of things that cause us to be worrisome people. Family, job, literally anything. Throw a baby onto that list and watch your worries explode!
The thing that I hate about worrying is that it mentally removes you from experiences that are unfolding right in front of you. There have been many times over the past 10 months of Elsie’s life that I have let worry distract me from being present with her and my wife. Worrying impacts how we act, think and relate to each other. Here is my overly spiritualized view of this; worrying is an attempt from a supernatural place to get us to spiral into the 1,000-yard-stare and to lock us up into thinking about all the terrible things that can result from us making a decision.
Worrying is an invitation, that I often extend, for darkness to creep into my life and distract me from my duties as a man. Worrying has never once made me more loving, more creative or more courageous. It just makes me busy on the inside.
Here’s how I am trying to trade worry for peace:
Name it out loud. “I’m worried I’ll fail.” Naming shrinks the monster.
Do the next right thing. Caring plans; worry spirals. Make one call. Send one email. Change one diaper. Start the draft.
Feel the floor. Be where your feet are. When Elsie is giggling, I want to actually hear it, not just be in the room with my brain two weeks ahead.
Limit inputs. Half of my worry is borrowed from someone else’s timeline or feed. Fewer tabs open = fewer threats to solve.
Pray, many times.
A little faith, because it matters to me: Jesus didn’t shame people for feeling human things. He just kept pointing us back to reality. “Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?” (Mt 6:27). He talks about birds and wildflowers as if to say, “Look at the track record of provision right in front of your eyes.” Then He brings it home: “Do not worry about tomorrow… each day has enough trouble of its own” (Mt 6:34). That doesn’t deny trouble. It puts it on the right calendar.
Have you ever done your best work while worrying? Are you a better man, woman, spouse, or parent because you worry all the time? You can answer that for yourself.